Christmas poems and cracker jokes, good or bad.

First I would like to say hi to all here on the forum, and then would like to start a post asking all you people about what Christmas means to you.
  This is a two part post,

1,  Who's a poet and doesn't know it?
  It doesn't have to rhyme, or be classically written just a bit of fun in verse.  A bit long but I liked it.

   So here it is hope you enjoy and get well soon.....

A poem to my MUM. (Dedicated to my mum, sadly now passed but never forgotten)


I booked an exotic holiday
I think I need one now,
It bought me to my knees
I am feeling drowsy now.
I went to see the Doctor
just before I went,
and he just laughed at me
and sent me down the GWENT. ( hospital in Newport )
He asked me where I was going
I told him China's looks nice,
he looked at me and told me to pack
I've got some where just as nice
I am now in hospital
as you can see from these posts
They are trying to fix me,
but the food is not the most.
My mum came to visit



Of this I was so glad



She bought me all the stuff I like,



and filled that carrier bag.



　



It had Banana's, Apples and Grapes as well



But, asked her if she could,



bring me some creature comforts,



by the side of my bed.



　



They turned up with my food



the one that I've being having,



and even she at first glance



didn't recognise what I was having.
　



The following day the porter,



came up along side my bed



and had a sack truck, with a box on it,



its from your mum, he said,


　



He took off all the wrapper,
and set it up by me,
To find that she had delivered, what I wanted,



It was that mini fridge, all just for me.


　



I have never been so happy



to see that mini fridge



but when I opened it up



it was full of 0% alcoholic beer?



　



Mum turned up later



and said, I see its turned up here



I said what the hell have you done



with all my ice cold beer?



　



She said your not allowed to have,



those sort of things in here



so I contacted your mates from Amazon,



and ordered it from your home page?



　



I have no mates from Amazon,



and was wondering what she bought



and asked what their names were,



so I can get a resolve.



　
You know your mate from Russia, Vladimir Vodka,
and your English friend Gordon Gin?


and then there was that other guy called MR Pimm.
　



I said those bottles are all energy drinks,
the ones you put in there.
and she replied,
I emptied out the content and put your mates, all in there.



　



I asked if I could try,



one of the 320ml bottles



to see if they were correct



and not just filled with 0% beer.



　



I took a glug of one



that had Vladimir on the side



And by the time it reached my Stomach



It bought a tear to my eyes.



　



By the time the Doctor had got there



to do his morning exam,



I had just about finished the bottle



and was warm and sleepy inside.



　



The Doctor made a comment



that he's glad that I am drinking,



to keep myself hydrated



Cos' the colour is coming back, and temperature is inflated.



　
He suggested that I have TWO bottles
just before I eat.
and would like to see me do this
again at breakfast time







have you any other flavours
for me to maybe choose from?　
My mum said there are two.
depending on what you want.




and as a treat before bed
he's got some cans of beer.
the doctor said he can't have that
Its OK I have non alcoholic BEER


so every one is happy,
I now can face the food

and remember, keep your self hydrated

especially when your in here.

( Had my knees done at Christmas )

   Have  ago

2.  What's the worse and best joke in your last years Christmas Cracker?  this can also be posts about family jokes as well, light humour.
  here goes:
  What do you call a donkey with one leg shorter than the rest?

  A Wonkey Donkey.

Q.  How do you make toast in a Zoo?

  You put it under a Gorilla.